Sometimes I do have to wonder how I’ll function in the UK, if/when we ever get there. It’s been raining/gloomy almost non-stop since mid-November, and I’ve been in an equally dismal mood right along with it. Right now I’m thinking of goals for the new year, and Carl and I are discussing plans to do some rearranging and organizing to make our tiny apartment more liveable, and all the while there’s this tiny voice in the back of my head whispering that it’s all pointless, that all I’m ever going to do is sit around in a slump, and that this apartment is going to suck no matter what we do to it. Oh, and I’m totally failing as a mom, too.
I know this voice well, and I know that it lies (or rather, only speaks truth when I let myself believe it and therefore don’t even try), but it’s awfully hard to fight against when it’s been clamoring in your ear for a month and a half. I can’t help but think the lack of sunlight has a lot to do with hearing it so frequently.
Not a very chipper post for seeing out 2014, but since this blog is mostly for me, and mostly for the sake of me being able, in later years, to look back and recapture the flavor of our seminary years, it would be stupid to pretend anything different from what I’m really going through right now.
Discouraged and tired, but trying to keep my head up and press forward, in faith that eventually things will get better.